


She left him.

by annakxtharina



Series: She left him [2]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-08-13 17:30:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20178070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annakxtharina/pseuds/annakxtharina
Summary: A few prequels and sequels about the one shot "The Subway" I wrote. Read that one first to understand these chapters a bit better. I hope you enjoy it and thank you guys for reading!





	1. Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> The Song is "Already Gone" by Sleeping At Last  
It is in Arya's point of view and plays five months after she left him.  
Enjoy!

She left five months ago. She didn’t saw him since that party, didn’t talk to him, didn’t text. She had no idea how he’s been. If he was alright. She hoped it. She hoped that he was happy without her. She hoped that he understood her. She hoped he wasn’t mad at her. Even though they had nothing to do with each other anymore, she didn’t want him to be mad at her.

_ Remember all the things we wanted  
_ _Now all our memories, they're haunted  
_ _We were always meant to say goodbye_

She thought about his smile. About all the times he smiled at her. About his eyes that wrinkled when he smiled. About the spark in his eyes when he smiled at her. She knew that she broke that smile. She knew that he didn’t smile like that anymore, that he stopped smiling like this; smiling like the whole world would stop and his smile would be the only thing that mattered.

She thought about him a lot in the last five months. She didn’t want to, but she couldn’t stop. He haunted her in her dreams. He haunted her while eating, while sitting in the train, while walking through the park. Everything looked different but when she ate at a small takeaway, she always thought about how they ate at their favourite takeaway and talked about their weeks. When she sat in a train, she thought about the weekend they decided to go away and search for a place in the sun; they didn’t find it but his smile was shining enough for her. When she walked through the park, she thought about their picnics and how he always ate most of the food and she was still hungry, so they ended up in a burger shop getting more food.

_ Even with our fists held high _  
_ It never would have worked out right _ _  
We were never meant for do or die_

She knew it was right. She knew it never would have worked. They were best friends; they were never supposed to be more than just best friends. They crossed this line and it was their downfall. She knew he would have fought for her, would have fought for this, to make it work, but it wouldn’t have been enough. She wanted that it worked, she wanted to fight, but she just couldn’t. She knew she wasn’t able to keep him happy. She knew it was supposed to end.

_ I didn't want us to burn out _ _  
_ _ I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop _

She knew that at one point everything would have been over. At one point, it never would have been possible to turn back, to go back to be best friends. She didn’t want that point to happen, didn’t want to hurt him in not being able to turn back. She didn’t realized that this was exactly, what he always wanted. That he didn’t want to be just best friends, that he wanted more and wanted her to want the same. She didn’t realized, even now she didn’t.

_ I want you to know _  
_ That it doesn't matter _  
_ Where we take this road _  
_ But someone's gotta go_

_ And I want you to know _  
_ You couldn't have loved me better _  
_ But I want you to move on _  
_ So I'm already gone_

She wanted to tell him that there was no other way than the one she took. She wanted to tell him that if she didn’t had left him that they would never work. She wanted to tell him that the time together was the best time. She wanted to tell him that she knew he loved her and that she loved him. There was so much she wanted to tell him. So unbelievable much. She couldn’t even think all of it.

She hoped he moved on. She really did; even though she didn’t move on, she wanted him to. She hoped he found that blonde goddess again that he told her about, hoped they were happy together, hoped he didn’t missed her as much as she missed him.

_ Looking at you makes it harder _  
_But I know that you'll find another _  
_ That doesn't always make you wanna cry_

The last time she looked at him he was broken. She knew if she didn’t leave she would break in front of him and she didn’t want him to see her break. He wouldn’t have let her go if she did.

_ It started with the perfect kiss then _  
_ We could feel the poison set in _  
_ "Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive_

When she thought about that party where it started, their first kiss popped right in her head. It was perfect; she never had such a first kiss with someone, she never felt so many emotions, so much love, in one kiss. Thinking about it, she kind of wanted that kiss to never happen, so that they would never be like they were now. That kiss blinded both of them, all the emotions they both held in for so long, were rushing out and it felt so good. 

It was wrong. It was wrong having such deep feelings for your best friend. It was wrong hoping that he wanted the same. It was wrong kissing him. It was wrong feeling how great it felt. It was wrong what they did that night and all the following nights. It was wrong because they were just best friends. That’s what she told herself to feel better, to understand her own decision in leaving him better. But it wasn’t wrong, nothing of it, well one thing was. Leaving him was wrong.

_ You know that I love you so _ _  
_ _ I love you enough to let you go _

Leaving him was wrong but staying with him would have been wrong too. She would have broken him sooner or later because she never would have been able to give him what he wanted. She loved him. She did years ago, when they were really just best friends. She did all the times when he told her about another girl and then she could feel her heart hurting. She did when she left him. She did now. She loved him enough to know that he would be better without her. That he would have a better life without her in. 

_ I want you to know _  
_ That it doesn't matter _  
_Where we take this road _  
_ But someone's gotta go_

_ And I want you to know _  
_ You couldn't have loved me better _  
_ But I want you to move on_

_ So I'm already gone  
_ _ So I'm already gone _

She left him so he could live a better life. She left him so he would be able to catch his dreams. She left him so he could have a future he deserved.

_ Remember all the things we wanted _  
_Now all our memories, they're haunted _  
_ We were always meant to say goodbye_

_ I want you to know _  
_ That it doesn't matter _  
_ Where we take this road _  
_ But someone's gotta go_

_ And I want you to know _  
_ You couldn't have loved me better _  
_ But I want you to move on_

_ So I'm already gone  
_ _ I'm already gone _

She didn’t want to admit it but she thought she maybe did a mistake. But then she remembered that she didn’t left just for him. She did it mostly for herself. She did it so she could become the person she wanted to be. She did it so she could find herself and see where she fits in. She did it so she would be happy. And just as quick the thought that it was a mistake came, the thought left and she knew it was right. She knew she would be happy and so would he. They both would be happy without each other.

_ Remember all the things we wanted _  
_ Now all our memories, they're haunted _  
_ We were always meant to say goodbye_


	2. Fairytale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arya kinda misses Gendry but she cannot admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song this chapter is based on is called "Märchen" (which is the German word for fairy tale) and is by toksi. The song is in German but I tried my best to translate it into English so there are both German and English lyrics now. Thank you guys for reading!

Sometimes she thought about him. Well, not sometimes - quite a lot actually. She thought back about one of their weekend trips. Sitting in his old car, as he insisted to drive with his, instead her newer, more comfortable car, listening to their favourite music. When one of their songs came on and both of them were just screaming the lyrics. So many things happened in that car, there were so many memories she had.

_Wir zusamm'n in deinem alten Ford / We are together in your old Ford_

_Auf dem Weg nach Norden / On the way up North_

_Auf halber Strecke liegen geblieben / Broke down halfway_

_Ich hab' die Karre dafür gehasst, hab'n so viel darin gemacht / I hated the car for that, done so much in it_

_Ich hab' zu sehr an ihr gehang'n / I was so attached to her_

_Und alles hatte angefang'n / And everything started_

_Das, was die Menschen Liebe nenn'n / That is what people call love_

_Wollten wir beide nicht erkenn'n / We both didn’t want to see that_

She remembered their last road trip. The car broke down, but it didn’t matter, because he was with her. He tried to make her laugh and that she didn’t think about what happened. In the end, he was the one stressing out about it. They were in the middle of nowhere and had no idea how to get out. But they had themselves. This night so much happened in that car, they used it a lot and if it hadn’t already been broken down, it definitely would have the next morning. She had a smile on her face thinking about the smile they gave each other when they woke up next to each other on the backseat, naked but covered under his jacket. It was a great night, probably one of their best nights.

_Wir war'n wie Wüste und Regen, Ying und Yang / We were like desert and rain, Ying and Yang_

_Fluch und Segen, doch irgendwann / Curse and blessing, but at some point_

_Bin ich ausgestiegen, ausgestiegen / I got out, got out_

All of their friends thought they would come together at one point. The two were so close and the same person but at the same time, completely different. It horrified her knowing that the feelings that were growing inside her for her best friend weren’t appropriate, they weren’t right. But still she had those feelings. And when everything seemed to fall into places, when everything seemed to end good, she knew the feelings were good, she knew they were right. But her fear caught up with her, so she ran away.

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Wenn ich 'n bisschen mehr 'n Träumer wär' wie du / If I was a little more a dreamer like you_

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Wenn ich 'n bisschen mehr 'n Träumer wär' wie du / If I was a little more a dreamer like you_

He always was the one who talked better about his feelings, the one who could express his dreams better, but the one who did not share the dreams she had. His dreams consisted of a life with the two of them together, a happy relationship in a normal life. At least that was what she thought, and she could not share those dreams with him. She wanted to see the world, to travel, to be free. She did not want to be locked in a cage. She couldn’t understand the dreams of a happy relationship, she was too afraid of the feelings and what could go wrong. She just couldn’t live a life like that.

_Endlich da, nackt in See gesprung'n / Finally there, jumped naked in the lake_

_Nix ist zu mir durchgedrung'n / Nothing has got through to me_

_Nur dein stahlblauer Blick auf mir / Just your steel-blue look on me_

_Das Wasser zu kalt, zu warm das Bier / The water too cold, the beer too warm_

_Mit Kies im Rücken meine letzte Kippe geteilt / With dirt on the back we shared my last cigarette_

_Jeder Zug will Ewigkeit / Each drag desires eternity_

_Die ganze Nacht wach im Einmannzelt / The whole night awake in a one-man tent_

_Bauten uns 'ne Zweimannwelt / Building us a two-men world_

She remembered one of their trips to the sea. She insisted they would go camping and even though he hated camping, he agreed doing it - for her. It was a really cold weekend and she just ran naked into the water; nobody would normally go swimming at this time of the year, but again he did it - for her. His eyes followed her, every step she took, every step she got deeper into the water, his eyes were locked in hers. She remembered his eyes like nothing else. The blue of those eyes, just as clear as the sky would have been without the clouds; the coldness in those eyes, that he never gave her just others; the warmth in those eyes, he just gave her; the love in those eyes, she could see and feel.

_Jack und Rose, Bonnie und Clyde / Jack and Rose, Bonnie and Clyde_

_Ebbe und Flut, stark wie Hulk / Ebb and tide, strong like Hulk_

_Doch ich hab' mich zurückverwandelt, verwandelt / But I have changed back, changed back_

They always have been complete opposites. He was the tall and muscular one, while she was small and thin but just as strong as him, well strong in a different way. Opposites attract and that was what happened to them. They were opposites but the same person in once. When one of their friends asked them a question, they always would have answered the same thing at the same time. It was a bit scary for their friends at first, but they got used to it, they got used that those two were just meant for each other.

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Wenn ich 'n bisschen mehr 'n Träumer wär' wie du / If I was a little more a dreamer like you_

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Du hast mir grade noch, grade noch gefehlt / I just, just missed you_

She knew everybody said they were meant for each other and she knew it was true. There would never be anyone like him who was so perfect for her. But perfect wasn’t right. She did not want a perfect life were everything just seemed to fit, she wanted action and adventures and she knew she could get them with him but still she didn’t know. She was too afraid to know, too afraid to realise, too afraid to maybe lose him one day. And before everything went to complicated, before there wouldn’t be a point to return anymore, before it was too late, she stopped it and got out.

_Ich frag' mich, ob's da draußen / I wonder if there is_

_'ne Scheißparallelwelt gibt / A shit parallel world out there_

_In der Kopien von uns verliebt / Where copies of us in love_

_Aufeinander zurenn'n, / Running towards each other_

_Den Moment nicht verpenn'n / Not missing the moment_

_In dem du die Eier hast / In which you have the balls_

_Mit mir den freien Fall wagst / To dare the free fall with me_

_Bevor wir uns verlier'n / Before we lose ourselves_

_Und uns ins hier und jetzt katapultier'n / And catapult us to [the] here and now_

She wondered what would have happened if he didn’t just let her go like he did, what would have happened if he would have gone with her, what would have happened if they would have run away together. Would they be happy? Would they be in a relationship? Would they have a good life? Or would they implode and ruin everything?

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Wenn ich 'n bisschen mehr 'n Träumer wär' wie du / If I was a little more a dreamer like you_

_Wir sind das Märchen, das man nie erzählen wird / We’re the fairy tale no one will recount_

_Ich frag' mich, was aus uns geworden wär' / I think about what would have happened to us_

_Wenn ich 'n bisschen mehr 'n Träumer wär' wie du / If I was a little more a dreamer like you_

_Wie du - wie du / Like you - like you_

_Wie du, wie du, wie du, wie du / Like you, like you, like you, like you_

It did not matter now. He did not dare the fall with her. He did not run away with her. He did not stop her from ruining them. He just did not. And she will never forgive him for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School started again and I don't really have that much time right now for writing but I'll still update just not really regularly (or at least not until I'm in a rhythm with all of it). If some of you want to get updatet about the chapters here or want to know something look at my Tumblr, I have the same username there as here - annakxtharina Thank you guys again for reading!


	3. Missing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arya wants to text Gendry.  
Gendry wants to call Arya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is written from both Points of views, so they are a lot of jumps between the two. The song is "Vermissen" (the german verb for missing someone or something) by Juju feat. Henning May. It is a german duet, I translated the lyrics again. It is a really emotional song and the chapter is too.

No matter how many times she said she did not think of him, no matter how many times she tried to cross him from her mind, he was always there. She did not want him to be there, but he was and there was nothing she could do to change it.

_ Weißt du noch, als wir am Meer waren? / Do you remember when we were at the sea? _

_ Baby, wie lang ist es schon her, als / Baby, how long has it been _

_ Du meintest, du wirst immer bei mir bleiben? Und das Meersalz / when you said you will always stay with me? And the sea salt _

_ Hat so geglitzert auf der braunen Haut, noch mehr als / glittering on the brown skin, even more than _

_ Uns’re beiden Augen, weil das Leben zu uns fair war / our eyes, because life was fair to us _

_ Wir haben gefickt und der Himmel war so sternenklar / We fucked, and the sky was so starlit _

Again, she thought about their trip to the sea, she didn’t understand why it was mostly that particular weekend she thought of. Well, if she thought about it, she knew why - they were free; they did not think about what happened afterwards; they lived like there was no tomorrow. And she missed that, missed the feeling of freedom with him. She had freedom now and she loved it, but it was so different without him. It was a different kind of freedom. 

When she thought about that weekend, she remembered the spark in his eyes when he told her he would never leave her. She remembered how the water glittered on his broad chest and how distracted she was by his body. She remembered how she looked down, flushed cheeks because of his words. She remembered how his hand cupped her face, forcing her to look in his eyes. She remembered the smile on both their faces and how salty his lips felt on hers. And it was true, he did not leave her, she left him.

_ Ich vermisse dich, vermisse ohne Schwerkraft / I miss you, miss floating around with you _

_ Mit dir rumzuschweben, der Absturz war so schmerzhaft / without gravity, the downfall was so painful _

_ Ich muss mich ablenken, muss wieder Musik machen / I have to distract myself, need to do music again _

_ Guck mir zu, ich füll' ab heut alleine meine Brieftasche / Look at me, I’m filling my wallet by myself _

_ „Aber was schreibe ich bloß?“, frag' ich mich / “But what should I write?” I ask myself _

_ Diese Wohnung ist auf einmal so groß ohne dich / This apartment is suddenly so big without you _

She had to distract herself, but she had no idea how. She did not want to think about him anymore. She wanted to have a normal and happy life again. She did not want to think back about the memories she had with him. They were all good memories, but they made her so sad. And she did not want to be sad anymore. She left and she had to finally start living without thinking of the past. But how? How could you live a life without thinking of your past? How could you live a life in which your lover from the past comes always back into your mind? How could you live a life when you still love that person?

_ Alle uns’re Wünsche haben wir zerstört / We destroyed all our wishes _

_ Steige wieder in den Tourbus und ich riech' an deinem Shirt / I get back on the tour bus and smell your shirt _

_ Mal sehen, ob der Duft noch bleibt / Let’s see if the scent remains _

_ Bis ich wieder aus dem Bus aussteig' / Until I get off the bus again _

She turned to the other side, arms around the shirt she stole from him nearly a year ago. It didn’t smell like him anymore but if she closed her eyes and took a deep breath it was as if his scent was in her nose again. Her bed wasn’t as big as the one back home, but it was better like that. If it would have been a bigger one, she always would have the feeling that she needed him lying next to her, his big arms around her tiny figure. She wondered if it would have been better if she wouldn’t have kept the shirt. It brought back all memories of him, but she just couldn’t let those memories go. She couldn’t let him go.

_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen / How can you miss someone as blatantly _

_ Wie ich dich in diesem scheiß Augenblick? / as I miss you in this fucking moment? _

_ Ich bin grade so krass zerrissen / I am so extremely torn _

_ Soll ich dir einfach wieder schreiben oder nicht? / should I just text you again or not? _

She missed him. She really did. She thought about texting him again. She didn’t text or called him since she left nearly 8 months ago. She was torn. Would he even want to listen to her? Would he read her message? Maybe he moved on and found his perfect girl, a girl he deserved, one that could make him happy. She knew it was selfish to hope that he didn’t found this girl. But she couldn’t stop it. There was a little hope in her that maybe he missed her too. She wanted him to move on, but she started realizing that on the other side she didn’t want him to move on. She wanted him to wait for her. Maybe she should text him.

_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen / How can you miss someone as blatantly _

_ Wie ich dich in diesem scheiß Augenblick? / as I miss you in this fucking moment? _

_ Ich bin grade so krass zerrissen / I am so extremely torn _

_ Soll ich dir einfach wieder schreiben oder nicht? / should I just text you again or not? _

He missed her. He missed her so much. He just wanted her to finally come back to him. He knew she needed to live her life and he thought it was probably better for both of them that he wasn’t in it. But he was so torn. It had been eight months. Eight months since she left him. Should he text her? Maybe she changed her number and the text would never reach her. But what if it did? He had no idea how she felt about him. He didn’t know if she even wanted to hear from him.

_ Ich will nicht mehr wissen, wie es war / I don’t want to know what it was like _

_ Ich will nicht mehr wissen, warum es vorbei ist / I don’t want to know why it’s over _

_ Ich will nicht mehr wissen, wie es war / I don’t want to know what it was like _

_ Ich will nicht wissen, was du machst, wenn du high bist / I don’t want to know what you do when you’re high _

It had been eight months and in those eight months he tried to come to peace with her decision in cutting him out of her life. He thought it probably was for the best. So many nights he laid awake thinking about why she did what she did. He searched for her reasons. Why did she broke both their hearts? Why did she needed to end it all so abruptly? He thought they were happy, he thought she wanted him the way he wanted her. But it didn’t matter anymore why it happened. He knew he should stop thinking about it, so he did. 

The last weeks he didn’t thought about it anymore. He tried to move on. He texted that blonde girl he once told her about and went to grab some food with her. But just before that girl could make a move on him, he blocked. He couldn’t move on. He couldn’t let her behind as long as he still loved her. He wondered if she could move on; if she was able to make a move on other men. Jealousy started to burn inside him, but he knew it was wrong to be jealous. She made her decision, so she could do what she wanted to.

_ Ich häng' besoffen ab in irgendwelchen Bars / I hang out drunk in random bars _

_ Und ich merke, dass ich ohne dich allein bin / And I realize that I am alone without you _

_ Augenringe spiegeln sich in meinem Glas / Eye bags are reflecting in my glass _

_ Ich hab' dich gehen lassen wie 'n Feigling / I let you go like a coward _

He was drunk again. He drank way too much over the last weeks, but he couldn’t stop. Being drunk was the only way for him to not think about her and how she left him. He ordered another drink even though he knew he shouldn’t. He looked into his glass and saw his sad eyes staring back at him. Maybe he shouldn’t have just let her go. Maybe he should have fought for her. Maybe then he wouldn’t be drunk and sad and reminiscing about the time he had with her. Maybe then she would sit next to him, drunk like he was, and they would make more memories. Maybe he would be happy. No, not maybe. He would be happy; he always would be happy with her around, because she was the one and realizing that he let her go, broke him even more.

_ Und ich wart' auf ein Signal / And I wait for a signal _

_ Und noch ein letztes Mal, doch das ändert nichts / Just one last time, but it doesn’t change anything _

_ Denn mir ist klar, es wird nie mehr, wie es war / Because I realize it will never be the same again _

_ Es ist nachts, ich bin wach und ich denk' an dich / It is night, I am awake and I think about you _

Back home he laid in his bed and thought about her. She just couldn’t get out of his mind. Her smile, the way her head always turned down to hide her flushed cheeks when he complimented her, her eyes staring at him, her lips on his. He wanted to have her back. He wanted for her to lay next to him so he could put his arms around her and smell her. He realized he couldn’t even remember how she smelled; there was a vague memory in his head, but he couldn’t place it. Tears were starting to build in his eyes. How? How could he forget that? How could he forget how the most important person in his life smelled? It broke him more.

He hoped he would get a sign from her knowing that it was worth having hope. He wanted a signal from her so badly. But he knew it wouldn’t change anything. Even if she would give him a sign, it did not mean she wanted him back or at least not in that way. He wanted her back, but it was impossible, and he knew it. He missed her so much.

_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen / How can you miss someone as blatantly _

_ Wie ich dich in diesem scheiß Augenblick? / as I miss you in this fucking moment? _

_ Ich bin grade so krass zerrissen / I am so extremely torn _

_ Soll ich dir einfach wieder schreiben oder nicht? / should I just text you again or not? _

She held her phone in her hand, fingers hovering over the keyboard, wanting to type a message to him. Wanting him to know she still thought about it. Wanting him to know she missed him. Wanting him to know she still loved him.

_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen / How can you miss someone as blatantly _

_ Wie ich dich in diesem scheiß Augenblick? / as I miss you in this fucking moment? _

_ Ich bin grade so krass zerrissen / I am so extremely torn _

_ Soll ich dir einfach wieder schreiben oder nicht? / should I just text you again or not? _

He held his phone in his hands, just seconds away from calling her. He wanted to hear her voice; he had no idea what he would say, maybe that he still loved her and wanted her to come back. He did not really know besides he wanted to speak to her.

  


_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen? / How can you miss someone so blatantly? _

_ Wie kann man jemand so krass vermissen? / How can you miss someone so blatantly? _

She put her phone away. He wouldn’t want to hear all that.

He put his phone away. She wouldn’t want to talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter broke me. I had to hold back the tears a few times. It was a lot and very emotional for myself so I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading!


	4. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gendry realises he is in love with his best friend & their first kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Feelings" by Lauv - so Beautiful  
If some of you are interested, I made a Spotify Playlist for all the songs i wrote about, want to write about or just give me inspiration. It's called "She left him"  
Thank you guys for reading!

It was her smile. Not the way her hair looked that night open and wavy and not in a braided bun as always. Not the way she rolled her eyes at him again when he said something which was a little stupid. Not the way she threw her head back when she laughed at his stupid jokes. Not even the way her eyes seemed to light up whenever he was around. He realised; it was her smile why he fell in love with her. 

_is my love too much_

_is it just enough_

_for you_

_for you_

He wondered how she would react when she found out, if she ever would. He did not know if he wanted to tell her. How could you tell your best friend that you are in love with them for years but haven’t realised it all that time? He hoped she would smile. He wanted her to give him that smile that he loved so much, that smile he fell in love to. 

But what if he wasn’t good enough for her? What if his love wasn’t what she wanted from him? He did not know what to do.

_‘cause it’s getting late_

_would you like to stay_

_‘cause I’m bad at reading signs_

They went to his apartment after the party, both didn’t want to stay there anymore. He asked her if she would stay. Not just that night like she thought he did, he asked her if she would stay in his life without leaving him like so many people did. And she smiled and nodded, and he read it as a sign that she felt the same way he did.

_but i_

_i wanna do_

_whatever you wanna do_

_if you wanted to_

_girl, we could cross that line_

He stepped closer and bumped his forehead onto hers. He knew it was wrong having those strong feelings for your best friend and act on them, but she didn’t seem to mind. She seemed to enjoy and really like it. He asked her if she was sure she wanted this; he didn’t want to cross a line she wouldn’t be comfortable with. And when she nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, he leaned down and kissed her for the first time.

_know we’ve been friends_

_and love only knows broken ends_

_that’s what you said_

_but, girl, let me change your mind_

_‘cause feelings are hard to find_

_feelings are hard_

He knew she never believed in true love and all that stuff like her sister did. She never was the romantic one, but he knew she would change her mind for him. He could show her how love felt and that love not always ends with broken hearts. He wanted to show her that love is something so dangerous but yet so beautiful. 

He loved her for a long time even if he never realised it. He always did. Since the day they met years ago when they were just children. His past girlfriend was right; when they broke off and she told him he always loved his best friend. And still he hadn’t realised that his ex was right. But now that he did realise, he just wanted to act on his feelings for his best friend.

_but i feel ‘em in my chest_

_the tiny war within_

_but when i pull you closer_

_girl, i can’t explain_

It was like a devil and an angel on his shoulders telling him to act on his feelings and telling him not to. He didn’t know if he could until that night. When he saw her on the party and she pulled him in a tight hug, he realised he needed to listen to his heart. And his heart wanted her, all of her.

He had no idea how to explain to her which feelings he had. He was so confused. But whenever she was around his head started spinning and he wasn’t confused anymore, just totally in love.

_but i_

_i wanna do_

_whatever you wanna do_

_if you wanted to_

_girl, we could cross that line_

He wanted to be with her, knowing it could maybe end their friendship. But he couldn’t live without acting on his feelings any longer. He needed to do something.

And when their lips met for the first time, there was a firework inside his chest, and he realised he never wanted to feel anything else again. He never wanted to kiss other lips again. He never wanted to be with someone else than her.

_know we’ve been friends_

_and love only knows broken ends_

_that’s what you said_

_but, girl, let me change your mind_

_‘cause feelings are hard to find_

_feelings are hard_

He wanted her to believe in true love. He wanted her to believe in them. He wanted to share the rest of his life with her, just her. His feelings for his best friend were so strong and before he acted on them, he never knew. But now, that he did, he knew he could never go back to just being best friends. It would break him, and he couldn’t bear losing her because of that.

It was so complicated for him to have a clear mind about what his head and his heart wanted. It was hard for him to find the right words for telling her how he felt. Telling her that he loved her.

_and i know, and i know_

_that it hurts sometimes_

_that it hurts sometimes_

_when i’m with you_

When she laid in his arms, naked and breathing steady while she was sleeping, he thought back about the weeks before. He finally realised why he felt so empty the weeks before. He didn’t have her like he did now and it hurted seeing her laughing and being happy without being able to kiss her, to keep her tight.

_and i know, and i know_

_that it hurts sometimes_

_that it hurts sometimes_

_when i miss you_

When she wasn’t around, he missed her. It sounded stupid saying or thinking it, because they saw each other nearly every day, but already after she was gone for like an hour, he missed her and wanted her back. She took his heart with her when she left and he felt empty without it, without her.

_and i know, and i know_

_that it’s on your mind_

_that it’s on your mind_

_when i kiss you_

When they finally kissed the sparks were flying around them. And when they teared apart, she brought his face right back to hers so they could kiss again. It felt so right but he knew she was thinking the same he did. He knew, she wondered if this would break their friendship or if it would make them stronger than before. Because maybe she wanted to be in a relationship with him and he knew they would be unstoppable as a couple and the thought of it made him so happy.

_but i wanna do_

_whatever you wanna do_

But he didn’t want to rush her into something. He knew it would take time for her to come to terms with their current situation. It would take time until they both figured out what they wanted so he just wanted to enjoy the moment he had with her.

_i wanna do_

_whatever you wanna do_

_if you wanna to_

_girl, we could cross that line_

He was happy that they crossed the line of being just best friends. He was happy they were lovers that night too. And he never wanted to be something else again. He never wanted to not have her sleeping naked in his arms, completely cuddled up in the blanket, looking so unbelievable cute.

_know we’ve been friends and love only knows broken ends_

_that’s what you said_

_but, girl, let me change your mind_

_‘cause feelings are hard to find_

_feelings are hard to find_

And when she turned her head a bit on his chest and he could see her face properly, he smiled. He couldn’t stop himself from pushing a strand of hair that fell into her face behind her ear. And she cuddled closer to him and smiled when he whispered that he loved her.


End file.
